now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think people are normalizing furries
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Randomize