I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
