im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
