hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Randomize
