Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Randomize
