she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize