For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
