I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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