Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
