Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
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