He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
