so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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