i love accidental penises.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
