my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It all started with a game of naked twister.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
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