Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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