I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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