honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
