shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
