i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Randomize
