A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
