Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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