Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
