Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Randomize