I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
