why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
