Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
