i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
