we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
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