I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Randomize
