I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
