is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
