seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
