Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
