I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Randomize
