i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Randomize
