So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
