I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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