dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
