It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
