dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
