I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
You've changed since you got that strap on
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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