So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
