I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
