My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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