He asked to "fluff my boner.."
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
