I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
