bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
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