i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
