Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
if only i could text you this smell
He kissed a someone with a penis
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
