so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
