I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
