he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
They have beer where we have blood.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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