im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Randomize