Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Randomize
