Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
