i just sent this text using only my big toe
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
