apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Randomize
