i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
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