I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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