Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Randomize
