it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
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