ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
